The Door
by cheekymice
Summary: Ryan is frustrated...He hates the pool house door! A tongue in cheek little drabble. Rated T for subject matter.


**Disclaimer- I own nothing...sigh..but I would like to own Ryan!**

**Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine!**

**The Door.**

Ryan thinks that sometimes he hates the pool house. All these windows and a door that people think they can open at any time. He's lost track of how many times the Cohens' have wandered in today. Hell, even Summer barged her way in earlier demanding to know where Seth was. He'd snapped at her that he didn't know and could she please shut the door on her way out. He knows that his tone will elicit a Seth-Summer talk about how Lindsay's departure was making him brood but that isn't it at all.

He punches his pillow and settles back down on the bed. The problem is his fucking hormones. He's so God damn horny all the time at the moment. To put a finer point on it he's been jerking off for his country. His forced abstinence is really beginning to get to him. Shit, he can't remember that last time he's gone this long without sex and it was just plain wrong. His friends back home would be rolling around laughing if they could see him now. Ryan Atwood-Chino man whore, who would screw a different girl each night - now reduced to playing the one hand banjo.

There's the rub… even that is on the wane now due to the pool house and it's apparent open door policy. Ryan is even beginning to think that they have a secret masturbation camera secreted somewhere in the pool house or perhaps a microphone hidden that can detect the sound of a zipper being pulled down because he swears that every time he tries to settle down to stroke the old spam javelin someone appears at that door.

Kirsten is the most worrying person at the moment; her concern for his increased absences from the house are driving her into maternal overload. He blushes as he thinks of last Thursday. He had taken to masturbating after dinner. Hell, he can't have a relaxing smoke after a meal anymore; he had to replace it with something! So he'd eat then escape to the pool house bathroom and do the deed. He hadn't thought that anyone would notice but_ Nooo_, that evening just as he was approaching the home ward stretch, Kirsten tapped on the fucking door… asking him if he was all right. Jesus, he was in the bathroom for fucks sake! Kirsten's concerned voice asked if he had a problem as she noticed that he seemed to rush to the bathroom after eating…. He had paused...poised over the toilet bowl, dick in hand processing what she was saying, when it suddenly hit him. She thought he was freaking bulimic! He replied that he was 'fine' but realised that his somewhat strangled, out of breath voice would not do anything to elevate Kirsten's worry that he was not in there throwing up his guts. She had then responded that he had been a bit flushed at dinner and she is just going to fetch the thermometer to check his temperature. He felt so frustrated as his hard on deflated that he had been tempted to just admit the truth… 'Yeah, I was flushed because I was already thinking about jerking off and was just in the middle of fantasising about the time Trina Rodgers and her hot sweet mouth had blown me for the first time ever when I was thirteen' ... but he didn't of course. He had zipped up and quietly suffered the indignity of Kirsten sticking a thermometer in his ear. So the after dinner 'spanking of the monkey' was officially over.

He was reduced to beating himself off in the shower and that wasn't nearly enough.

He thinks back over his time in Newport and stares malevolently at the pool house door, he thinks that he might have actually gotten some if that door had just stayed shut. Gabrielle would have been a certain if Marissa hadn't wandered in, why couldn't the freaking girl have come looking for him half an hour later? Then there was the time with Marissa laying on top of him, he was sure he would have gotten further if Kirsten hadn't stumbled in and he had lost track of how many times him and Lindsay had been _THAT_ close and that fucking door had opened. Seth, Sandy and Kirsten have all walked in on him at one time in a compromising position and it is getting beyond a joke.

He seriously needs to get laid.

He needs to get a lock.

He gets up and gives the door frame a swift kick.

He hates that door.

**Fin**


End file.
